Jason, the group’s go-to contrariot, never missed an opportunity to flip the narrative. At game night, surrounded by friends enjoying snacks and laughter, he dropped his latest bombshell.
“You know,” he said, leaning back smugly, “dial-up internet was actually faster than fiber optic.”
The room fell silent. Even the chips stopped crunching.
“Jason,” Sarah said cautiously, “do you know how the internet works?”
“Better than most,” Jason replied. “And dial-up? It was efficient.”
The “Evidence”
Jason had an arsenal of half-baked theories and nostalgia-fueled anecdotes to back up his claim.
1. Less Data, Faster Speeds
“Back then, web pages weren’t bloated with ads and auto-playing videos,” Jason explained. “Dial-up didn’t have to process all that junk. Websites loaded in seconds because they were lean and optimized.”
2. Focused Browsing
“Dial-up made you commit,” he continued. “You didn’t waste time scrolling mindlessly. You logged in, did what you needed, and logged off. Fiber just lets you waste your life streaming cat videos.”
3. Unbeatable Security
“Dial-up was inherently safer,” Jason said. “You couldn’t get hacked if your mom picked up the phone and disconnected you. Fiber? Always on. Always vulnerable.”
4. Soundtrack of Speed
“And let’s not forget the modem sounds,” Jason added. “That screech-beep-bop was a rallying cry for progress. Fiber doesn’t have personality.”
5. Latency Is a Myth
“Fiber optic has lower ping times,” Mike interjected.
“Ping times don’t matter if you’re typing faster than the data transfers,” Jason shot back.
The Group Reacts
Sarah stared at him, wide-eyed. “Jason, dial-up topped out at 56 Kbps. Fiber is literally a thousand times faster.”
Jason smirked. “On paper, maybe. But how often do you really need all that speed? Did you ever have to wait for an email on dial-up? I didn’t think so.”
Mike groaned. “You’re comparing downloading a 10 KB email in 1998 to streaming a 4K movie today. They’re not the same thing.”
“Exactly!” Jason said triumphantly. “Fiber just encourages you to waste bandwidth. Dial-up taught us discipline.”
The Aftermath
By the end of the night, Jason hadn’t convinced anyone, but he left with his head high, humming the nostalgic screech of a dial-up modem.
Meanwhile, Sarah whispered to Mike, “Next time, we’re not letting Jason host trivia. He’ll probably argue that VHS was better than Blu-ray.”
Jason, oblivious to the dissent, walked away, certain that his dial-up gospel had sparked a revolution. After all, speed is relative—and nostalgia always wins.
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