Luke had always been a contrariot, but his latest claim pushed even his closest friends to their limits. It all began at a backyard barbecue.
“Guys,” Luke said, setting down his burger dramatically, “I’ve been thinking. What if our mouths are actually… our anuses?”
The group went silent. Jenna, holding a plate of potato salad, slowly turned to him. “What the heck are you talking about, Luke?”
Luke leaned in, his voice brimming with the conviction only a contrariot could muster. “Think about it. Food goes in one end and out the other, right? What if we’ve been labeling them wrong this whole time?”
Dan, mid-bite, froze. “Luke, no. That’s not how this works.”
“Why not?” Luke countered. “Labels are just human constructs. Anatomy is subjective.”
Jenna groaned. “Luke, mouths have taste buds. They’re designed for eating. Anuses… are not.”
“Or so you’ve been told!” Luke exclaimed. “What if evolution just messed with our perceptions? Ever noticed how both ends are kind of round? Coincidence? I think not.”
Dan grimaced. “Luke, please stop. I’m eating.”
Luke ignored him. “And digestion! It’s basically a straight tube, right? Who’s to say which end is the real starting point?”
Jenna threw up her hands. “Luke, you’re confusing plumbing with biology!”
“Am I?” Luke said, smiling smugly. “Or are you just too conditioned to question what you’ve been taught?”
Dan sighed, pushing his plate away. “Luke, I don’t think we can be friends anymore.”
Luke grinned. “That’s fine. You’ll come around. Everyone does eventually.”
Jenna muttered to Dan as they walked away. “Next time, we’re not inviting him to anything involving food.”
Contrariot.com 